Or..another way I could phrase that title…what NOT to say to your friend who is single. Let me level with you for starters: I’m thirty-one and I’m single. Nine days out of ten, I don’t dwell on that too much but that tenth day…that tenth day is where I struggle.
I can get pretty down and out, many a tear has been shed over this circumstance and sometimes (more often than not) it’s not just a tear being shed…it’s a full on ugly cry….sometimes there is snot involved. I’m being so “real” right now.
The joy (read: I’m being 100% sarcastic right now) of being thirty-one and single is that everyone has something to say about it and usually 95% of it makes me feel like this:
In the spirit of hilarity…and brutal honesty….I thought I’d share with you some of the things I’ve been asked/told about being single. And why if you know someone who is single…maybe don’t ask/say these things to them. Unless you’d really like to run the risk of being smacked.
Or am I?
Be Warned: Sarcasm Ahead. If You Can’t Laugh – Don’t Keep Reading
1) I don’t know why you’re single – you’re so cute/kind/wonderful/have the best personality…
— I don’t know either. Ha-ha! Most days I’d totally agree with that assessment: I think I am cute, kind, wonderful and have a great personality (sometimes my self esteem is top notch y’all…) so when someone says this, it translates as: there is obviously some fatal flaw in the design since you have so much going for you and you still don’t have a man. This kind of statement is commonly referred to as a backhanded compliment…and I’ve heard it so many times, it honestly feels like I’m being backhanded. So – I guess it fits, right? This type of comment also definitely plants that idea that somehow I’m falling short somewhere…
2) I promise – as soon as you stop looking, it will happen.
— Will it now? When I hear this, it immediately conjures up this vision of me, in a deerstalker hat having a bloodhound sniff some random fabric that is labeled “scent of a Godly, gainfully employed single man with a good personality and a cute face…etc…”. I mean – what do you people think I spend my free time doing? Actively hunting men? It’s not a recreational sport or something. The fact is; I don’t actually know where one would go to “look” for men. So it’s not something I’m actively doing. And yet – “IT” hasn’t happened. Which leads me to number three…
3) I stopped looking and within three months, I’d met the one!
— Really? Well I haven’t been “looking” for years now and I haven’t met “the one”…heck, I haven’t met a single one. At all. I’m glad your lack of searching ended so fruitfully. Mine however…I got nothing.
4) I WISH I were still single!
— Well, that’s nice for you. However it does nothing to make me feel better because what you’re wishing you could get back…I’m wishing and actively praying to not be! Don’t wish away a blessing you already have because I can promise you – there is someone who is hoping with all their heart for that very same thing…and getting the answer “wait…wait…wait” over and over again.
5) You’re really not missing anything. Honestly.
— Well then, why are you married? Again – please reference the answer to number four. Shaking my head at you.
Fun fact – Part of the territory of being over thirty, still single and childless also leads to a whole other level of questions/statements and advice.
I don’t know about you but I’m old fashioned in that I’m really down with the whole: first comes love, then come marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage aspect of things. That’s MY plan for how to do things and everyone does things differently: You do you, boo boo.
Another fun fact – I’ve said the above (you do you, boo boo) to my Mom so many times she has threatened physical violence. To her threats I say: You do you…boo boo. 😉
6) You’re not married and don’t have kids – aren’t you worried you’re running out of time?
— And your casual reminder about that is neither needed nor appreciated. If you think I haven’t read about/heard about/seen things about “advanced” maternal age or worried that I might never get married…you’d be wrong. A lot of the ugly crying that happens is directly related to this and when you think that casually asking me if I’m worried about being single and childless indefinitely is a worry…. Well – you just hush.
7) You must have dust “in there”.
— You read that right. And I’ve had more than one person say that to me. Please just don’t. Really…really don’t worry yourself with anything involving my “in there”. It is none of your business and you should definitely not be saying what you just said out loud.
8) I can’t imagine being thirty and single…I’d just die.
–Well, I’m sorry you have little to no imagination. That’s really a shame because seeing as I AM over thirty and single, there are a lot of things I’ve had to imagine. And I do just fine. Apparently imagination dies when you get married? Is this a real thing? It’s not?? Then why can’t you imagine being thirty and single? I suppose this works in the same way that I can’t imagine being so stupid as to say something like that to someone is who over thirty and single? Okay – well good, then I get it.
And – that’s about the best I’ve heard. Or at least, the best I’ve heard that merit repeating and can be shared in an open forum such as this. I don’t want to shock you all too much.
Honestly, I’m being really open here because I struggle with this SO frequently and sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh about it to keep from crying. I’m a firm believer that the Lord has a plan in place for my life and as it unfolds, it will be more than I’m able to imagine. I’m also firmly a human being who lives in a society that relies heavily on instant gratification…I want something and I think it should be mine. The desire to have the fulfillment I believe marriage will offer me is a big want and I want it right NOW.
Obviously the Lord doesn’t think I need it right now though – which is why I’m still single. As a sinner saved by the Grace of God, I have to work and pray daily to align my wants with the Lord’s will for my life and that is a prayer that I have to pray on a daily basis. It’s hard to see others getting the things I want so badly but I have to tell myself it will all work out the way it’s meant to…in the time it’s meant to.
And when that day comes – I’ll be doing this right here: