“The future is scary but you can’t run back to the past because it’s familiar. It’s tempting, but its a mistake.” -Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother
So, I just quoted a fictional character in my blog. He’s a smart fictional character though. The quote is from season finale of How I Met Your Mother, where Ted is contemplating how it would be so much easier to just fall back into a relationship with a girl that is so wrong for him. His reasoning? That it is familiar. He already knows so much about this girl & it would just be too hard to keep searching when he could easily go back to Zoey & just make it work. But he realizes (with the help of some friends, of course) that it would be a mistake.
The events of the past couple weeks have had me thinking about how much my life has changed in that past year. Where was I on June 1, 2010? Have things gotten better? Am I a different person? I know things have changed – the only constant thing in life is change.
June 1, 2010 – Career –
On June 1, 2010 I was a freshly minted graduate of the University of Southern Mississippi. I was certain that I could easily enjoy one last summer before having to really be a “grown-up” & then with the greatest of ease, I’d just find an excellent job. Talk about delusions of granduer. I got to have my one last summer…and fall…and most of winter. I figured out pretty quickly that having a college degree didn’t seem to matter too much. No one was hiring anyone. Anywhere. At all. It didn’t matter how I fancied up my resume or how many places I sent it to. It just wasn’t happening. But on June 1, 2010 I wasn’t concerned. I just wrongly assumed that I would have a fun summer & then get a job. Life is funny like that – you can plan all you want & it doesn’t mean a thing.
June 1, 2011 – Career –
I’m happily a member of the work force & I have been since January. I’ve been at my job for 4 months now & I really enjoy it. I feel like I’m finally getting the hang of most everything, even if I’m not quite sure I’ve got the hang of dealing with all the different personalities in the office. The job I have isn’t in my field. It certainly has nothing to do with Anthropology or Forensic Science – although a man in the office calls me “forensic scientist” instead of by my name & is always telling me that I should be out catching bad guys & nailing them to the wall. I’m thankful for my job – there are still people all around me that can’t find a job. I wouldn’t have even guessed or imagined this is what I would have been doing a year ago. And yet, here I am.
June 1. 2010 – Love –
Well – I was single in June of last year. I had high hopes for finding the right person at some point but things just didn’t look too promising. I think this is probably the area that tests me the most. I’m not overtly obvious about it, but I’m kind of a hopeless romantic. I have big dreams for love, a marriage & a family – in that order. I tell myself every December 31st that maybe this will be the year. And then I wait. And in June of last year, I was doing just that. Waiting. In case you were wondering – waiting really stinks. My Mom would probably crack up at this – I always spout off the line “patience is a virtue” & she just rolls her eyes at me. Well, like the line from The Mummy – “Patience is a virtue” – Well it’s a virtue I don’t have right now”. *sigh*
June 1, 2011 – Love –
Guess what? I’m still waiting. And it hasn’t gotten any easier. There are reminders of my very single status every day & I won’t pretend that at times it doesn’t get to me. I’m tearing up a little bit writing this. I know without a doubt that if I didn’t have family & friends that pray for me daily, this issue – which may seem so small to some – could become far more overblown & upsetting than it is. Thankfully I do have those people in my life that remind me that all in time. I had a conversation on Sunday night with two wonderful ladies – one that I have known for quite a while now & one that I see having the potential to become a wonderful friend. They encouraged me, even if they weren’t aware of it. Good things come to those who wait, right? Well – I feel like I’ve been waiting forever, so I’m pretty sure my Prince Charming is going to be amazing.
June 1, 2010 – Life –
This time last year I was living with my parents, looking for a job & feeling somewhat aimless. I didn’t have a job yet, but I wasn’t too concerned with that. My parents had talked about moving & to be honest I hoped deep down that we would just leave. I was ready to get some distance from the place I’ve spent most of my life. I wanted a change of pace, a change of scenery…some kind of dramatic change. What is it that people are always saying? Be careful what you wish for? Right.
June 1, 2011 – Life –
I feel like the life I’ve been leading for 26 years is about to have a major shake-up. Remember how I said you can plan things & it doesn’t matter? Life doesn’t cater to your plans – that isn’t how things work. My parents are moving. I’m not. I’m going to get a dramatic change – for the first time in 26 years, my immediate family will be spread across three time zones. My parents will be in Virginia, I’ll be in Mississippi & Lindsey will be in Colorado. My parents are going to be 800 miles in one direction & my little sister will be 999 miles in the other direction. Also – out of the three states – Mississippi just does not sound like any fun. And yet – here I shall stay. Why? Well, I’m a firm believer that when the Lord tells you to stay put, you stay put. I’ve learned from experience that deciding to forge your own path & do your own thing doesn’t really work out so well.
I’m trying to find a place to live & trying even harder to learn how to hang on to my money because I’m about to have to make a go at this on my own. I realize that people who are far younger than me have already accomplished this task – good for them. I wanted a change of scenery – I’m going to get one. I’ll be looking off of a front porch (hopefully I’ll have a front porch) that belongs to me. I’ll be on my own. And I’ve also discovered that while there are still some places (& faces) that I would have no problem putting behind me, there are some places (& faces) that will probably become far more important to me as I step out on this new path.
Well – there you have it. How my life has changed (or hasn’t) in the past year. I think there are times when I feel a certain sort pf panic set in when I think about what my life will be like in a few months. I want to turn around & run back to the comfort of the past. But, as I’m reminded by Ted, (that lovely fictional character) that would be a mistake. You’ve got to keep moving forward in life. So, onward to new adventures I go. I feel like so much is different & yet so many things are the same. Then again, isn’t that how it goes? The only thing that stays the same is that things are always changing.