Working in this Office….Seriously (Funny)

I sat here (or as I originally had typed – sart her – the brain is not working today) trying to decide whether I should write a serious post or if I should just be less serious & I decided on less serious. My life is going to get really serious soon & I have a wonderful friend who has had some really serious stuff going on (who shall remain nameless, although you can always say a prayer for Natalie’s friend & I feel confident the Lord will know who you are talking about) & so between my serious & my friend’s serious, I really needed to be not so serious. So I’m gonna talk about my office again – because while we do serious stuff here, I manage to find things that are funny all the time. I mean – I work in a house that was built in the late 1800’s – there are no end to the oddities in this house.

Let me start at the bottom of the house & work my way up. The basement – I just really have no words for the basement. I affectionately call it the murder basement. The picture at the left is the best example I could come up with – the murder basement at work is worse because the light is not nearly so bright. There are random small rooms (perhaps they were once closets? torture chambers? solitary?) that I choose to stay away from. Heaven only knows what I might find in them. I wandered into the file room & saw one of those small rooms had the door open & there was a hole in the middle that led down, down, down…to nowhere. I told a friend that I was afraid something would come out of it & drag me to hell. His response? “I think there was a movie called that.” Yes, there was. Did you see the preview? I did. And that is why I am staying away from the hole in the small creepy room in the corner of the murder basement. The stairs are creaky, the walls seem cold & mildewy (I’m not touching the walls) & the smell is like being in a mold infested hole of death. The murder basement floods when it rains & let me tell you, that really adds to the ambiance of the place. Here is the best part about the murder basement – the light switch for the one light is at the top of the stairs – far away from you when you are in the middle of the file room.

I discovered this fact on my first trip to the basement. I did what I needed to do & got out of dodge. I went home & proceeded to make the biggest mistake (okay, maybe not biggest but close) of my life. I told my Mom all about how when you go into the murder basement, you cut on the light at the top of the stairs & then have to wander deep into the depths of the basement & far away from the light. I said “If I was ever in the file room & someone didn’t know I was down there & they cut off the light, I would scream like I was being killed.” Or like the child on the right pictured. Well, my Mom immediately said in response “Oh, I’ve got to tell Tina that.” Thank you Mom. I love you too. I’m glad to know that you want to have your friend scare the living daylights out of me while simultaneously making me look like an idiot in front of my coworkers. I’m not going to the murder basement ever again. The risk is too great.

Now then, let us move to the first floor. What is most fun about the first floor you ask? The bathroom, of course! I’ve already talked about getting locked in the bathroom so I am not really gonna elaborate on that topic too much. I discovered that since the door is totally messed up & you can get locked into the bathroom without actually locking the door, I don’t need to use that bathroom ever. I will happily climb the stairs every single time I need to use the bathroom. Because I am not going to be the cool kid hollering to be let out of the bathroom. Nope. Just not gonna do it. I suppose the crazy bathroom is really the only downside to the downstairs floor of the house. I guess. I’ve only been here 8 weeks. Who knows what I’ll discover?

Moving on to the upstairs of the house. I go up there a lot – the bathroom is up there & so is Tina. I suppose I am Tina’s right hand woman (not man, cause I’m not a man, duh) since she is sending me emails filled with work to do all the time. Plus, we can usually get a conversation going without any effort whatsoever. I have been using the upstairs bathroom ever since I decided that I wasn’t going to fall victim to the downstairs bathroom any longer. Today I discovered that the upstairs bathroom has some tricks up its sleeve too. This place is just full of tricks. The toilet seat is not afixed to the toilet! How do I know this? Because, I almost fell off the toilet today. Why am I telling you this? I really don’t know. I just know that I leaned just a little to the left & apparently you must sit on the toilet straight as a fence post or the whole toilet seat will just slide on off, with you sitting on it. Excellent. So – my choices are to use the bathroom downstairs & risk getting trapped or use the bathroom upstairs & risk falling off the toilet into the floor. Awesome.

Just a few other weird things I’ve noticed. There are hooks in the ceiling of my office. What is that about? I’m a little scared to know the answer. The second floor ceiling leaks when it rains & these chunks of plaster fall off at random. I haven’t been hit, but I’ve seen it fall & I don’t really want to develop Chicken Little Syndrome. Also – in the upstairs bathroom there is a tub. There are three handles in this tub. One is marked hot, one is marked cold & one is marked….waste. What?!? I don’t even understand that & frankly, I’m not sure I want to. Do you one day decide that taking a bath in hot, cold or warm water just isn’t enough & therefore you need to add a little something extra? I am so confused by that. Confused & scared. This place is kind of like a house of horrors.

I still haven’t had a ghost encounter yet but with all the other delightful treats this place has, who says having a ghost encounter is even that great? I may one day become immune to the oddities of this place & when something weird happens, I’ll just shrug it off & be like “yeah, that’s just how we roll.” Oh Geez.

P.S. I feel pretty sure a serious post is coming soon. I think so. Yep.

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